Just scroll down and let your tummy pain.
Guy: hey your bra strap is showing
Same guy: *pulls dick out to pee on the road*
— Neha Ramneek Kapoor (@PWNeha) December 4, 2016
If you sucked my titties you can never talk shit about me I’m your mom now respect me
— Lisa (@champagneeelisa) October 18, 2016
When he finally finds your g-spot pic.twitter.com/jgFRLyAW7q
— Priyal (@priyal) October 7, 2015
i call my vagina ‘pomegranate’ because dudes don’t know how to eat it
— CAT GRANDMA (@priya_ebooks) July 5, 2014
is this about sucking dick pic.twitter.com/nlG1kfwcPJ
— inet 👻 (@lifegonewild) January 29, 2017
Guy: Your boobs are amazing.
Me: Thanks, I grew them myself.
— Animisha (@anymysha) December 27, 2014
If ever there’s a dinosaur on the loose destroying the Taj Mahal people will still stare at the girl smoking on the sidewalk.
— Cathartic Screams (@Just_Screams) February 23, 2016
Honey, you can’t stop me. Even my sanitary pad has wings.
— Priya Sometimes (@PriyaSometimes) January 24, 2016
Damn boy, are you a bra? Because you make me uncomfortable but society has brainwashed me into thinking I need you
— Audrey Porne (@AudreyPorne) October 2, 2015
boy: did you cum yet
girl: not yet
boy: *does nothing* how about now?
— designer cucci (@sarah_lawwwd) December 18, 2016
Always a relief when you get your period & realize you’re not in fact pregnant WITH SADNESS
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) January 22, 2016
him: fuck. ur tight
me: thanks. ur pretty cool too
— isabel (@lSABABE) September 5, 2016
Sex with me is like a rollercoaster: you scream, your hair gets messed up, there are dizzying highs and lows, someone peed in the rear
— Witchy Woman (@dreamthievin) February 16, 2016
Facebook album name: “Dandiya Nite 2012 <3”, Realtistic album name: “Backless choli poses in 317 angles”
— P (@lovehandle_) October 23, 2012
I call my vagina “New Yorker cartoon” because it’s dry and a handful of people have laughed at it
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) October 16, 2016
You vs the girl he tells you not to worry about pic.twitter.com/cC2rQ3GktS
— Sharma Ji Ki Ladki (@lady_gabbar) August 23, 2016
Whenever my parents ask about marriage I become a govt officer and sit over the proposal for days for no reason
— MazelTov (@runjhunmehrotra) February 18, 2016
Age 15: One day I’ll date a hot and rich guy
Age 21: One day I’ll date a hot guy
Age 25: One day I’ll date a guy
Age 29: Bhaad mein jao sab
— Supriya Joshi (@supaarwoman) July 8, 2015
*Uber driver reaches girlfriend’s elbow*
Uber Driver: Haanji main clitoris pe aa gaya hoon.
— Ashish Shakya (@stupidusmaximus) November 24, 2016
Turns out I’ve been wearing the wrong sized bra!!! I should have been wearing one that was much bigger and had no straps and is pajamas
— Emily Heller (@MrEmilyHeller) April 20, 2016
Met some hot singles in the ICICI Bank queue. Thank you Modiji. 😘
— Anuradha (@anuradha_kush) November 11, 2016
Wanted to go out on a romantic dinner date with boyfriend. Can you suggest some nice boyfriend?
— Poulami Sinha (@ThePhoolanDevi) January 4, 2016
A child in the coffee shop cried and cried until she was given a cake pop, and as I walked past, I whispered, “Your technique is flawless.”
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) December 3, 2016
It is quite okay to be a dick if everyone around you sucks.
— 👸 (@aNuSFW) September 4, 2015
attention men: pls stop telling us you want to go down on us for “hours”. thats way too long. we have stuff to do. i’ve got a lasagne cookin
— beth mccoll (@imteddybless) October 6, 2016
Oh baby make me scream harder
*burns a hole in her Zara dress*
— mediocre gandhi (@mediocregandhi) February 19, 2016
Sometimes I charge my phone up to 98% and unplug it bcz why should I be the only one who didn’t have the orgasm
— Post thengakola (@amyoosed) November 12, 2016
I wear short skirts to attract male attention but also to give my turds easy and direct access to the ground
— Tamara Yajia (@DancesWithTamis) August 22, 2016
(late 20s & living w parents)
me: mom we r out of eggs so i am going out to buy some
mom: soon u will b out of eggs that cannot be bought
— crapo (@Creepowoman) December 24, 2016
Used so much Fair&Lovely on my face that now I can’t even walk down the street without winning sports tournaments or getting job offers.
— Cathartic Screams (@Just_Screams) November 4, 2015
Fifty Shades of Grey is romantic only because the guy is a billionaire. If he was from Delhi, it would be a Crime Patrol episode.
— Jungli Billi (@iamhorcrux) March 10, 2015
Somebody please write a book on Indian culture ASAP because I don’t know what to wear and where not to go alone anymore.
— Pallavi (@PolyesterPalla) January 4, 2017
Behind every successful woman are her parents… wondering why she hasn’t found someone yet and when she plans on getting married.
— Anuya Jakatdar (@anuyeaah) February 11, 2014
Lady saw my tattoo and asked me “dard nahi hua tha?”, so I looked at her kid and asked the same thing.
— Sugandha Mahajan (@Stellla_Artois) December 15, 2014
Girls are given teddy bears to psychologically train them to like their short, fat and hairy husbands in future.
— Poonam Khatri (@poonamkhatri) October 17, 2013
Man: I’ll never date a feminist
— Jessica Valenti (@JessicaValenti) September 8, 2016
*Going through my contact list*
Dad: Beta, yeh jo Tinder surname waale hai matlab woh kaunsi caste ke hote hai?
— Sonali Thakker (@SonaliThakker) March 26, 2016
Me: I’m only meeting him to chill
Me to me: shave your pussy just incase pic.twitter.com/yqt1whQ3yb
— ads (@adetasie) November 14, 2016
My ass could break the Internet too. I just have to sit on the router.#BreakTheInternet
— mediocre gandhi (@mediocregandhi) December 5, 2014
My biggest worry when I’m flirting with a boy is that he’s going to die & our text messages are going to be on the news.
— P (@lovehandle_) November 12, 2012
Funniest is when a female character in a saas-bahu serial says “Mai tayyaar hoke aati hoon”
Behen, aur tayyar hogi toh yudh pe jaana padega
— Villainiya (@DushtaStree) January 31, 2016
So when Aladdin rubs something and gets rich it’s a fairy tale but when other girls do it it’s prostitution?
— Post Woke Z. (@zedchrmsm) August 23, 2016
Hey boy, are you a software update? Because not now
— Desi (@DesiJed) May 10, 2015
your early 20s vs your late 20s pic.twitter.com/VDnRpWyeVT
— keely flaherty (@flahertykeely) April 26, 2016
My mother lands Sunday night, which means I have 48 hours to clean my apartment, lose 10 pounds, and write a New York Times bestseller.
— Chloe Angyal (@ChloeAngyal) September 30, 2016
Its really cute how girls only mention their age in their bio till they’re 19. After that, its all ‘voracious reader’ & ‘dog lover’.
— P (@lovehandle_) October 8, 2012
Find someone who looks at you the way Arnab looks at Modi.
— Aditi (@awryaditi) June 28, 2016
I like to sit on my hand until it goes numb so it feels like someone else is liking my Instagram photos
— Eliza Bayne (@ElizaBayne) July 12, 2016
Always appreciate Indian female ghosts. They spend entire day washing their saree to get that perfect whiteness and wear it in the night.
— Goddess👸🏻 (@LEDtvn) September 30, 2014
*one day before marriage*
Parents: Don’t talk to the groom. Don’t see him. Don’t think.
*one day after marriage*
Parents: BABIES, BABIESS!
— Prajakta M. (@SocialBitterfly) April 9, 2014
Do you still have any doubt that women aren’t funny?